I've been a Sam-girl since day one; well, maybe more like week one, because when I first saw Supernatural, it was on cable in a hotel room, and I had to switch off halfway through because my uber Christian father came wandering by, and my overall sentiment was something like, "Huh, I think I've heard of this show." And, "Wow, those dudes are hot."

Then, possibly a year later (memory is hazy, and I had neither high-speed internet, nor tv at the time), I saw this confusing, dark little show again, and this time my "Huh" was protracted and more like a "Guuuuuh". And over the next few months, I tuned in whenever I found it. Which was... about twice. However! As my finely honed fangirl sensiblities had long-ago instructed me, I went in search of fanfic. And did I ever find it. Having had a long-time obsession with slash, and the moral bankruptcy to be utterly unbothered by incest, I became fatally addicted. Aaaaand...... eventually I learned enough, through fandom, about Supernatural that, by the time I settled down with some good highspeed and actually managed to watch the first three seasons (and started stamping my feet and gnawing my fingernails slowly through the fourth, as Kripke tortures us with hiatuses and cliffhangers), I was already completely addicted and well-versed in the background, lore, and characters.

Once I got past the initial shine and fuzziness, and got more deeply ingrained with the boys as individuals, I became totally hooked on Sam. For many years, I've had a deep-seated weakness for smart boys; Napolean Dynamite would make me take a second look, if he had a 130 IQ. Of course, Sam is mouth-watering, so that's not much of an issue. He has this messy, clumsy, sweet, earnest *hotness* to him, combined with (of course) riveting intellect and a vocabulary that is (by tv standards, anyway) pleasantly expansive. I can't love him enough.

None of this is to say, obviously, that I adore Dean any less. I think he's psychotically gorgeous, adorable, funny, and biteable. And Sam should jump his bones all. the. time. More than that, Dean makes my heart wibble. It's that whole female mothering/fixing/cuddling instinct right there; he's so insecure and attached to Sam and has such mountainous Daddy issues... Awww. :(

But! I love Sam more. Despite the scary character revamp he's undergone in the past 20-ish episodes. I know, he's all vampy and evil and lying and being a douchebag to Dean (which, by the way, I thought was so incredibly horrible), but I think, in a way that it's... not *good*, per se, but necessary? A stretching, if you will, of a character that, for the most part, was the steady driving pulse behind the first three seasons, but has largely receded during this latest one. I think that, to keep him interesting in the face of all this Dean/Castiel/Heaven/Apocalypse/Angel drama, Kripke had to do something drastic. Voila! Evil Boy King Sam. Or the beginnings of him, at least.

Under Sam's blood-guzzling (which, c'mon, is pretty hot, besides the icky Ruby factor) and deception and nastiness, I think he's honestly got good intentions. Which, I will be the first to say, don't really mean anything. (I'm a nihilist and a libertine; moral compasses and impulses concern me not at all, which is why Supernatural makes me roll my eyes as much as squee.) My point is that, no matter what Sam does, he's trying to do what he thinks is best. Misguided and unfortunate, to be sure, but I don't think the writers are done with him yet. Look at the upcoming plot-twist; Bobby's panic room. Proof right there that Kripke's not planning on letting this BS go on. Above all, I want Sam to a) just go full-on Cujo, herald the Apocalypse, become King of the underworld or whatever, and take Dean as his concubine (admittedly, not too likely); or b) buck up, give his poor brother a shoulder to lean on (cry on), break Ruby's nose, and stop being such a fucktard.

(Ruby is an entire rant unto herself, I just realized, but I'm way to tired to get into it.)

In closing: Happy Birthday, Sammy!
(Yes, May 2nd ended 2 hours and 47 minutes ago, but I forgot to say it earlier.)

(Also, the screencap at the top was captured and colours by rhcp_csi on livejournal. THANK YOU!)